Welcome Criticism

Message Regarding: Autobiograffiti

From Liz: "hey you, just heard your latest addition to Emerald Elk and wrote what drew me in the song.
I had one stipulation about it but I didn't think voicing it where you're advertising your songs was an appropriate place - hence fb msg.

The second to last verse is so powerful with images that are personal etc that the last verse seems rather cliche - not the books I've read part but the blood I've bled, tears I've shed... those images I've all heard before. I'm guessing you did this to make it more accessible in imagery for other people - but you've already excluded them with the personalized images that give it so much character (and the plural wives makes you seem like a sleezeball). I guess I don't see how the last verse fits other than fading out of both song and original images to generalized moments to silence.

this may be a completely unwanted criticism - the songs written and recorded - but I wondered what your thoughts are on this verse - since you know I love lyrics.

-- On another note, I am seriously blown away by how amazing the song sounds - It really struck a chord in me and despite anything I said above, I will listen to the song more in the future, for sure."

EE: "Dear Liz,

I really appreciate your feedback, and I find it very pointed, constructive, and thought-provoking. In fact, I'd like to post it as a comment on my blog (as long as you don't object), because i think people might find it interesting. I encourage anyone to comment or criticize anything I have on the blog, because it gives me an indescribable feeling to hear what other people think of or realize about music I've made. It's almost like asking a date to your first prom, or watching the movie Pi for the 3rd time and still not knowing what the hell is going on.

My response has three bullets:
1. First of all, the ending is what I changed a MILLION times with this song; I could never make up my mind with it. It's a change in not only the lyrical theme but also the tempo, so I know it sort of stands out. But I ended up favoring going out with a quicker pace, which sounded more final, so maybe the music was what was driving the lyrics at the end? I'm honestly not sure myself. The contrast in the music, and between personal and general, sort of goes along with all the dichotomous images throughout the song. (at least, that's how i could justify it)

2. I agree some of the imagery is general and cliche. Does it kill the personal nature of the song? Maybe. But I didn't intend for the portion with "wives that I've wed" and "bombs" and "books" and "blood" and "fear" to be about the speaker, or me, or any ONE person; the generality is supposed to tie in every person to the universality of death. But it's saying whatever experiences we've had, good or bad, get buried with us.

3. Ultimately, I WOULD prefer that I end on the next-to-last verse's sentiment of "don't bury me yet." It hits at the core of the themes better. Also, I'm not opposed to alternate versions of songs. So, because of your helpful comments, I've decided to record another version of this song--sans original ending and probably slightly more up-tempo.

Before I do that, I'd like you to choose whether you'd like a video or audio format. Video ends up sounding more "unplugged" and organic. Audio is a higher sound quality, but I have crummy equipment (only a built-in microphone). Meaning, I really have to add reverb and extra tracks for it to sound halfway decent.
You pick."

Liz chose audio format for the better quality. I want to think about other changes to make, so it will probably take me two or three weeks to put this up. But reasonably soon there will be the alternate version of Autobiograffiti.
G'day.